No, you’re not having a nightmare. Valentine’s Day is officially here, a day when we’re encouraged to binge on cutely shaped chocolates and cry into our wine glasses. Don’t have someone special lined up this year? Me either… but we could! It’s never too late to snag someone for the night–sorry, Mom–and Usher, One Direction, Madonna, and JC Chasez are among the many famous friends who are going to show us how it’s done.
Each year, this Hallmark holiday raises the tricky question: How long should you be dating someone to celebrate with flowers, candy, and, “alone time” set to Chris Isaac? Well, friends, today is the day we ignore any societal pressures or New York Times trend pieces. If you’ve been riding solo for the first part of 2013, it’s time to try looking for love (or body warmth) that lasts through February 14–and not a minute more. Nobody ought to be alone when Edible Arrangement are involved.
To get a taste for what kind of behavior we’re talking about, and a few possible opening lines to drop upon your sexy prey during happy hour, peep a few examples below.
One Direction, “Live While We’re Young”
These blokes might be young, but certainly not young enough not to know about the dangers of sexting. The accompanying video is relatively harmless–save for an inflatable banana–but we know that in this specific instance “tonight let’s get some” is not meant to be followed by “late-night pizza.”
Usher, “Love In This Club”
After years of making women weak in the knees and dropping more than a few pairs of panties, we shouldn’t blame the man for noting wanting to wait until he gets home to get it on.
Madonna, “Beautiful Stranger”
If you’re going to embark on a no-strings-attached relationship with an expiration date, you might as well aim high and act extremely shallow.
JC Chasez, “One Night Stand”
Off his solo album, Schizophrenic, the former *NSync star spells out what he’s looking for rather clearly, lest anyone get it twisted. There’s also an allusion to “Cruisin’” and scatting at the same damn time.
Enrique Iglesias, “Tonight (I’m F–kin’ You)”
If “One Night Stand” should leave you frantically searching the aisles of Bed, Bath and Beyond for clues on how to fall in love, Enrique is even more direct about his nighttime V-Day plans (or what he’s doing any other evening for that matter).
So if you’re feeling single… embrace it! Because it’s all downhill from here.
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